By Aneta Antkiewicz, Poland
There are no mistakes or exercises done wrong on the Zen Coaching workshops. What mistake has been persecuting us since our childhood?
I can see that I make fewer and fewer mistakes in my life. Instead I make choices and follow them as my life unfolds. Is it difficult to believe that? What does a mistake mean at all?
A mistake is very much connected with the style of living in which the biggest driver and reference point is what we “should”. It is a set of beliefs, patterns and standards of behaving which are embedded in ourselves on different levels. Some are easily visible, like: “I should be more assertive”, “I should drink less coffee” but there are some with a cosmic power doing their job underneath. They were passed on us from our parents and we might not become aware of them till the end of our life.
When we don`t act according to our “should”, the judgement automatically attacks us: “I am making mistake”, “I am doing something wrong” which are followed by the feeling of discomfort, sorrow, depression, irritation or anger. It looks like we abandon our own life and unconsciously take the role of a judge watching our life performance and assessing if it is good enough and meets the expectations. That ongoing run to fulfil a never-ending list of “should” and to severely evaluate ourselves, makes the essence of life for many of us. It is driven by a hope that we will succeed in something at last.
Do all those “should” really reflect our true needs and work for our well-being?
When, instead of following what I “should”, I look at my life like a journey I get access to more peace and freedom. I do something, and it brings me to a new place I have never been before. Then I am curious to look around and ask my heart what I feel at that place and what I really want to do next. Then I follow my heart`s advice and go to another place. Every moment of that journey is precious to me by the fact that it exists and I exist in it. Now when I stop and ask myself what I long for, I can consciously steer my life and my choices meet my true needs then.